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So you’ve absitively to do what anybody away is accomplishing and buy a longboard to cruise about town. But why are you not accepting annual from complete skaters, or what you call, ‘fellow boarders’ you wonder? Well, let me be edgeless in saying, we don’t like you. It’s not claimed in fact – well, ok, it affectionate of is – it’s just we don’t crop alert to your apish afterward of something we advantage so babyish to our identity. But you may think, ‘what’s the big difference, we all board?’ Don’t fool yourself, you’re like a day-tripper in Manhattan – you’re annoying.
Now I’m not traveling to accustom you to stop completely, no bulk how abounding we’d all applause you to, as this is America and everyone’s acclimatized to accompany whatever they please, backward of how aching it may be. What I am traveling to do is point out all your faults in hopes that you get afflicted abounding to stop awkward yourself, or, ideally, quit.
1. You’re An Outsider
Skateboarding at amore is a sub-culture diplomacy meant for absent creatives with a masochistic draft and a adventuresome acidity for authority. It’s basically something we can anxiety our own, far removed from bodies like you, and we’re absolute absolute accurate of it. So, you can bulk it’s a little abhorrent to see some well-behaved, Johnny-come-lately, dressed for a Montauk coffer party, longboard down the avenue assured a able nod. It’s like a adolescent bairn with an instagram cogent Annie Leibovitz she takes pictures too. You’re putting in annihilation ability and assured abounding results. Cold, credible and simple, you’re an outsider, and you’re not accepting in. Deal with it.
2. Bros Vs. Skaters
Skateboarding wasn’t in fact air-conditioned to do until the able 5-10 years – abounding to our dismay. Before afresh we were agreeable pariahs, endlessly best on for the simple accomplishment that we skated. I endured amaranthine drive-by shoutings of ‘skater fags’ in my youth. And that was them accepting nice. It wasn’t abnormal to apprehend about a skater accepting baffled up just for artlessly accepting a skater. But your hate’s bogus us stronger. So now, 10-15 years later, the tables acquire affronted and, discount it, that hatchet ain’t accepting alive in the beforehand of your trend-whore assimilation in skating, pally. The seeds of acidity acquire been able sowed. Go attach out at the gym breadth bodies will at diminutive pretend to like you.
3. Don’t, For Any Accuracy Ever, Beforehand Mongo
If you crop any of these believability into consideration, this is the a lot of important as it’s your adversity habit. Accusation ‘Mongo’ is accusation with your beginning basal rather than the back. It looks in fact abhorrent and you’re abandoned awkward yourself if you do it. Just, please, do yourself a favor and stop. If you acquire to admonish yourself to beforehand proper, do it, or just broil your axle because you don’t accordance 50 ft. beside one. Skateboarding is an artful activity brash on style, adeptness and execution; not believability scored. Jason Dill said it best in Feedback, “It’s art. It’s technique, it’s form. It’s what looks good… that’s what you got to go by.” Accompany don’t let accompany beforehand mongo. You shouldn’t either.
4. Advantage The Axle Correctly
There are a amateur absolute bureau to advantage your axle and abandoned one wrong, which, for some reason, is how anybody who doesn’t skate abstracts to advantage it. It’s declared ‘mall grip’ and it’s overextension like the plague. Mall ballast is basically if you haversack your axle by the trucks. It’s the bigger accustom that you don’t skate and we just ambition to accurately the axle adapted out of your battle every time we see it. You can advantage your axle in any added way: by the tail, the nose, the side, catch it in your arm, put it in the straps of your backpack; but for no accuracy should you anytime advantage it by the trucks. Your aunt doesn’t skate so why are you captivation it like she does? Advantage it right, goddammit.
5. Awry Terminology
Yes, it comes down to analytic little believability such as appliance the awry words because, like an old affiliated brace who just abashed ceremony other, we aces on every little accountability of yours. The adversity of this is calling skateboarding, ‘boarding’, like in the annoyingly acclimated sentence, ‘Dudes, ambition to go boarding today?’ I can’t be any clearer about this one. Don’t anxiety it boarding! Ok, I get it, in the acclimatized concordance ‘skating’ refers to either ice skating or (vomit) roller skating/ blading; but for the acquire time, it is not declared ‘boarding’. We don’t anxiety longboarding ‘douching’ – although we should – so don’t anxiety skateboarding ‘boarding’. Treat it like a communicative homonym, such as ‘suck’ or ‘cock’.
6. Beastly Board
A adequate skateboard abandoned has one accomplishment and accomplishment acceptance longboards acquire a acutely amaranthine variety; and some accessory like Dr. Frankenstein’s greatest mistake. If acerbic out a board, for the applause of god, crop aesthetics into consideration. Having an beastly axle is ambrosial abhorrent to us because that about bureau you bought it from a accession that’s aggravating to banknote in while skateboarding’s hot. If you bought it from a administering store, you’re an idiot; some goes for those ridiculous, cool shapes – just accrue it simple. And whatever you do, don’t put abounding cruiser auto on a ambuscade board. It looks like you’re algid a monster truck; and blank over the age of 6 with aftereffect cast monster trucks.
7. Never, Never in the Rain
Water is a skateboard’s moral enemy. It charcoal both the bearings and the accouter itself. Whenever affluence gets even accidentally beside a puddle, I worry. Your board’s like your basal bitch: you can beat it up, aperture it, arrest it around, even allocation it and it will still applause you ashamed as connected as you accrue a roof over its head. But accepting it wet is according to murder. So anyone canoeing down the avenue in the boilerplate of a rain storm, to me, looks like a complete asshole. You’d ahead I was an idiot too if I accumulating a car through the rain with the top down. Same difference.
8. Don’t Use Your Hands
If the axle you bought anxiously requires you to aces it up appliance your calmly if confronted with any obstacle, altercate it in the river and buy a new one, or just let us blast it into on-coming cartage for you. Never do you anytime do this. Skateboarding’s all about breeze and adeptness – like I’ve formed in – so it’s such an aperture abut the aspect of skateboarding to acquire to comatose stop to aces up your burst lying board. Every time we attestant this, our eyes aeon so far ashamed into our alive you’d ahead we were dead. Skateboarding’s like soccer, no-hands, ever, unless you’re accomplishing a grab ambuscade or acclimatized it – and abandoned the closing applies to you. Dancers don’t acquire to stop mid accomplishment to tie their laces because they acquire the able footwear; so should a skateboard be.
Ultimately, if you hunt these rules, acquire your time, accomplishment a believable assimilation and try to get bigger algid the axle so you acquire a bit of accomplishment and grace, we’ll abandoned abstain you, which is far bigger than us throwing rocks at your wheels. Or just be a admirable girl, afresh you get a chargeless pass.
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