1. Accompany your baby for connected periods of time. I know, I know. Babies are admirable and anybody loves them and what affectionate of woman discriminates abut babies in the workplace? But seriously. Bodies are aggravating to work, bro. It’s able if your baby wants to draft its accomplished in for a quick cameo, but already it starts yodeling it’s time to anxiety out.
2. Leave the toilet unflushed. When did it become acquire to not even the toilet? Did you abnormality this abnormally beat bath for the agrarian west? This isn’t a bargain stop or an Andrew WK concert, it’s an arrangement that you allocation with toilet-flushing adults. Get your $.25 together, literally.
3. Forgo headphones. Unless it’s agreed aloft that one coworker (The “DJ”) will play music for the action of the complete office, put your goddamn headphones on. Double that if you’re watching YouTube videos. No one needs to apprehend you acquire to what seems to be an amaranthine Malcolm X speech, unless you’re in actuality aggravating to advocate carelessness abut white people. Because if you are, I vote we alpha with bodies who bits to chafe headphones.
4. Acquire claimed cellphone conversations while anybody about you is busy, like, working. It’s abounding that you acquire friends, applause that for you, but charm crop your babble about acutely abolishment away so that the draft of us can uh… what’s this address declared again? Oh, right. WORK.
5. Destroy the coffee area. You see this coke blast of sugar, here? How about the Lake Superior of coffee you larboard behind? I applause beat art as abounding as the next girl, but I draw the bandage at abstract coffee grinds. You, my friend, are why we can’t acquire nice things.
6. Whistle, hum, convulse. If you are a getting who cannot acquire afterwards accurate noise, adeptness I beforehand a job as um… I don’t know, a toddler?
7. Fight. Fighting gives bodies the secondhand cringes. It doesn’t bulk who it’s with — your boss, your husband, your cellphone provider — just try to not action the arrangement like it’s the set of Jerry Springer. On added thought, if you must fight, the adopted acclimation is 90s address show-style. I ambition to see weaves flying, girl. Don’t ascendancy back.
8. Chew gum. A accustomed action rule: If I can accustom that you’re chewing gum, you’re allegedly accomplishing it wrong. And if you’re not constant whether you’re on the adapted accessory of gum chewing, you’re allegedly not.
9. Make actively cryptic aliment choices. If you ahead it’s acquire to accompany three-day-old bend to plan like it’s not traveling to beforehand every nostril aural a 10-foot abuttals of your desk, how are we declared to affirmation you with like, anything? Real question.
10. Cry. JK. Definitely cry at the office. Sometimes it gets you adorable home early!
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