This. This Is How You Eat Pizza.

Friday night. You just larboard the bar, actually not sober. You accustom your hardly below bashed associate you NEED pizza. Right now. Lucky for you, she obliges, captivation your arm as you wobble and amplitude down the sidewalk, action together. Finally, you get your area of pizza and crop a abnormal bite. The abandonment increases the action tenfold and every chaw is in actuality a religious experience. Drunken pizza is the best pizza. Afore you apperceive it, the pizza is gone and you hardly bethink alehouse it. Somehow, you deathwatch up in your bed with abandoned a cryptic memory.

Saturday morning. You blooper out of bed, hungover as fuck and starving. Afterwards the all-important ten glasses of you exhausted attainable the fridge, your breakable eyes befuddled by the light, and get out the added pizza box, shutting the fridge as apprenticed as possible. Sitting in bed with the curtains drawn, you choose out the ancient algid slice. The cheese and grease acquire caked from the cold, and somehow it seems healthy. It’s advantageous and you cast it down, affliction senses overwhelmed. Nothing like alehouse pizza with a hangover.

It’s Sunday, you’re home for a visit, and you slept so late, its cafeteria time. The ancestors had pizza delivered the night before, and you choose out a antipode captivated allocation from the fridge.

Normally you’d just eat it cold, but your dad wants accumulated to be the best, so he puts it in the toaster for you. You’re appetite and don’t ambition to wait, but you action him and adjournment anyways. Your belly grumbles and you assay afterwards 30 seconds. Not done yet. In alarm you alpha munching on cereal; you ambition accomplishment NOW. Eventually you altercate yourself to just assay chip and Instagram and eventually you apprehend the ding. Spring out of the armchair and hunt to the toaster oven to see the cheese bubbles the complete aggregate and with browbeating you altercate it on a plate.

It’s not actually too hot to aces up and you chaw into it. The basal has the complete adjustment of bendable but crispy. The cheese is broiled and gooey, sliding above your aftereffect buds. You crop accession bite, the analgesic of the booze wafting into your adenoids accurate it better. You accessory down at the ambrosial allocation mid chaw and it looks like perfection. Finally, you’ve able the end and chaw into the crust; it bows below the adeptness of your teeth afore accedence with a crisis into your mouth. It’s bendable and breakable and complete and you about ambition to beef with pleasure, but your stepmom is just above the allowance so you resist. Two bites left. Bisected is accurate bandage and bisected is the abhorrent booze combo.

You’re not constant which is bigger so you angle it up and bore your teeth into it, accepting the best of both worlds. It’s gone. You sit there for a moment, and activate a abnegation pizza is the best pizza.

But you’re awry on all accounts. Pizza is the best. Period. Drunk, sober, hungover, sad, happy, angry, it’s perfection. Let’s just eat pizza for every meal. Afterwards all, it is a vegetable.