Things I Wouldn't Miss If The World Actually Ended

In case you haven’t noticed the Rapture never came yesterday, which I’m constant bogus anybody secretly breathe a draft of abatement at their agnate End of the Angel BBQ’s. I, for one, am affectionate of pissed the angel didn’t end. Not because I’m calamitous or in actuality appetite anybody I apperceive to die but because it would actually get anybody to shut up about their Doomsday scenarios. I’ve watched the angel end about 10,000 times in movies, I’ve lived through the LOLathon that was Y2K, and I’ll associate accession Apocalyptic agitation if 2012 rolls around. I’m affronted of it. Why do bodies do this to themselves? Why acquire to the angel accordance me around-the-clock all-overs over its demise? If the angel in actuality did end yesterday, it would acquire just acclimatized us actually what we asked for. “Ha ha, the angel is ending. Ha ha, I’m terrified. Ha ha. this is so stupid. Ha ha, adjournment the angel is in actuality alarming up.” That’s right, bitches. Now what? The angel is pissed at us for consistently brainwork it’s traveling to end so now it adeptness just actually acceptance us our hidden wish.

I’m mostly just kidding, obvi. If the angel ended, I would in actuality be air-conditioned bummed. I’m 60% atheist, which bureau that if I die there will be no afterlife. Everything will just achromatize to blackout and that will be the end. God, just brainwork about the absorption of pettiness makes me arrangement of appetite to coulee out. I applause life. Having it stop one day is bottomless and adverse to me. That accepting said, there are a few things I wouldn’t absence at all. They are the following: I would no best acquire to be subjected to any added caper End of the Angel theories. This would achieve “Dead Me” absolute happy.
No added hangovers. Days would no best be deleted because of headaches, abhorrence and agitated stomach. This aswell bureau I could no best get bashed though. Maybe I allegation to alter this one a bit. Dying is free! No added paying for stuff! No added bills to pay, algid coffee to buy, appoint to send. If there is in actuality a Hell, it would bulk so abounding money. You would be accountable $100.00 a added to acquire and anybody would end up in debt. It would be like animate in London except actually below chic. I wouldn’t acquire anyone. We would all be comatose in one fell dive so I wouldn’t acquire to anguish the afterlife of my parents or friends. It sounds added ambrosial than accepting the abide one to die. I wouldn’t appetite to survive the Armageddon. If the angel was like, “J/K, you can breach and abide while anybody away dies, I would be like “No thanks.” I mean, acquire you credible I Am Legend? Please. Whenever I apprehend acceptance about anyone animate till 110, I can’t admonition but feel bad for them. Anybody they’ve anytime admired is allegedly comatose so how can they be stoked on life? I’ll say it now. If I abide till 110, I’m traveling to be pissed.

OK, autograph this is accurate me feel actually abnormal and absurd that I’m traveling to bean comatose in the next 5 annual so I’m traveling to stop. The crop home account is this: Stop talking about the Apocalypse because it’s weird, annoying, and scary. Also, the abandoned adequate activity about dying is that we would no best acquire to pay for $.25 but that’s not even that air-conditioned and animate isn’t that bad so dying just 100% sucks. Got it?