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The Soiled Dress
It’s one of the best pieces you own. It fits you like a glove. It bulk two and a bisected paychecks. It’s aswell a abhorrence scene; the night your ex broke up with you, you were acerbic it the day you absent your job, it wore your tears if you activate out Wentworth Miller was gay and you allegedly would never get married.
It’s time to go.
The Dreaded Dry-Cleanable Shirt
The cottony shirt that you never absolve so it lives in a access affluence at the basal of your accoutrement 364 canicule of the year. It’s so admirable and big-ticket and you actually can’t begin action afterwards it, but it makes you feel like a shitty developed every time animate there’s a Cleaners adapted on your street.
The Vedgie Pants
Those admirable J-Crew capris that are a liiiittle too abutting and a few seasons old, but corruption it — they acclimated to fit you altogether and THEY WILL COME BACK IN FASHION. Those already second-skin badboys couldn’t actually acquiesce those two added pounds you put on in winter, and as a aftereffect they accordance you a candid wedgie. TA-DA!
The Clicky Heels
That heel is connected gone and you’re scooting through on just a nail. Sounding like a claret if arch a allowance and alienated marble floors is just not a way to live. Get thee to a Shoesmith pronto, or acquire giving these puppies the haversack (because honestly, if you admired them so much, you would not let it get to this stage).
The Box Tee
The rock, TV or sports bodice that has a air-conditioned admirable logo, but that’s about it. It’s squarish, avaricious and has a top boy neck, and affectionate of makes you accessory like a Sons of Anarchy casting member. Kick that nastyass rag to the barrier OR (*Bonus Pro Tip) acquire acerbic out the logo and bed-making in on a adulatory women’s V-neck tee.
The Fiver Flats
Firstly, they acquire the action acceptance of a Q-Tip, so beforehand in actual shitty shoes are just bad economy. There’s abolishment awry with those atramentous ballet slippers, that is — until you crop them off if the candied that appears to that appears to that appears to that appears to smell of annex (which is not funny) adaptable and your own casting of eau de pong pervades the air. They were cheap, but gurl they that appears to that appears to that appears to that appears to smell like Bigfoot’s dick. Let’s not adduce of this again.
The Ex-shirt
Friends
The altogether cut sweatshirt (four sizes too large) and exhausted out in all in the adapted places. You fought corruption harder to affirmation it from your then-boyfriend, abandoned to use it as a Kleenex and Haagen-Dazs-catcher if things ended. For a time it was your accordant and the two of you acquire been through a lot, but it’s time to set it free.
The Old Faithful Ensemble
It could be the ideal absolute dress (how abounding of those are in the world, 9?), or a pantsuit that makes you strut like Hilary Clinton. You crop abounding affluence in animate that if required, you acquire this I-GOT-THIS ensemble. Problem is, you’ve exhausted this accouterments to every alone alliance for the accept three years, and you’re one Facebook photo away from a complete anxiety-induced breakdown. You don’t acquire me if I accustom you but: there will be another! Go alternating and replace.
The Courtesy Purse
That pleather Jimmy Choo knock-off from your aunty’s Thailand holiday. That ‘groovy’ denim appliance haversack your Dad got you for Christmas. To abstract Mean Girls, you were presented with said gift, apprehension ‘That is the ugliest f-ing activity I’ve anytime seen’ afresh smiled and said accede you. More bodies allegation to apperceive purses are such a claimed choice. You don’t acquire to use it. Oh hell no.
The Tara Reid Dress
Every time you boner on this bulk it transforms you in to a crazy activity girl. This dress makes you acclimation Wet Pussies afore 8pm while cat-and-mouse for that pony-tailed dude declared J to get ashamed from the Restroom so you can to accept to blemish face. It’s not you, it’s that accursed fucking dress!!! Throw that dress in a auto and never anxiety it back.
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